Heroes, Inspirers, Mentors all rolled together – Our Moms

Growing up, I was constantly asked, “Who do you admire?” To be honest, I couldn’t think of an answer.  I was a kid and I didn’t really understand what that meant or entailed.  As I got older, I read about Joan of Arc, and she became my inspiration because she allowed her faith and passion to lead her in life without fear.

As I became an adult, the list changed. I admired certain women like Katherine Hepburn, Anais Nin, Jane Austen, and even Mae West because they were independent females who were not afraid to be strong women.  They were opinionated, frank, passionate, fearless, intelligent, and even bawdy at times.  They were women who could hang with the big boys, and probably drink them under a table while wearing heels and looking gorgeous the whole time doing it with charm and wit.

Now, I see the true meaning of the words “hero, mentor, admire, and inspiration”.  She was my mother.  It will be two years in three weeks that my Mom lost her fight to Pancreatic Cancer.  And, let me tell you, she put up one hell of a fight. 

I think back to her having us four daughters and making it look effortless every day.  She was at every practice, every competition, had dinner on the table every night and she was up most nights helping with a project or sewing something we had ripped or torn.

My mother was an extremely dominant force.  She was strong, opinionated, fierce, loyal, and had “eyes in the back of her head”.  You either loved her or she scared you right out of your shoes!  She made us be our best and she did not take no for an answer.  She let us know that it was okay to fail, but that you had to at least try and keep trying.  She made us into the women we are, and for years she dried the tears of many a child at a daycare she adored.  So, now I have the answer.  Your Moms create your heart and soul.  They shape and mold you into the person you become.  They are our hero, healer, mentor and inspiration all wrapped into one.

What are your musical memories?

As I’m driving my little Cobalt to work this morning, the song “Love is a Battlefield” came on the radio. My mind was suddenly flooded by memories of long ago.  I felt elated, exhilarated, and even a little nostalgic.  I remembered care-free days gone by when bills didn’t have to be paid on time, and it was acceptable (even encouraged) to wear flannels with military boots and brown eyeliner as lipstick. 

I started to reflect on how music shapes our world and fuels significant points in our lives.  Who doesn’t remember couples-skating at the rink to “Purple Rain” or at the end of a breakup playing “Nothing Compares to U” 200 times?  Memories somehow become attached to the music we listened to at that chapter in our lives.

I remember that one summer working as a counselor at Camp Wi-Ta-Wentin; we listened to “I Would Walk 500 Miles”, “Red Red Wine” and “Creep” the WHOLE summer.  I associate college with Nine Inch Nails, Cranberries, Depeche Mode, Concrete Blonde, Counting Crows and Tracy Chapman.  

Now, I listen to a medley of tunes.  The song is usually influenced by my mood at that particular time or how I want to feel in that moment.  Sit back and think of your favorite songs and how they influenced your life.  I bet in just a few moments, you get a big smile and sing a few bars of “Take on Me”. Enjoy the musical moment!

Beautiful Flaws

I’ve been watching for the past year or so, people beating themselves up for what they don’t have or for what they wish they were.  Today’s society has made us rush through life looking for quick fixes and fast remedies.  Many of us have become depleted or “empty” in the process to have it all.

When I lived in Dallas, I never felt I was as pretty or successful as the other women.  I always wanted more.  I used to call it “The Wheel” because we would get crazy on our quest to have everything and be the absolute best. “The Wheel” never stops and, eventually, you have to jump off to find your bearings.

I finally had to come home and deal with reality smack in the face.  There was no where I could run on this one.  I learned to appreciate my flaws, cracks and curves!  I was humbled by the amount of support I received when I allowed it in, and I learned you must be grateful for everything that you DO have and not just keep wanting what you don’t.

We forget how brave we are, and that we make our own paths, choices and journeys in life.  You can always want the “perfect” husband, the “better-paying” job, the “biggest house on the hill”, but that isn’t going to keep you happy or give you peace at night.

You have to love yourself and know that if the leap you take isn’t the right one, well, then you at least tried.  Part of growing is taking two steps forward, maybe one step back, and being able to realize that misstep.  We all have flaws, but we are all beautiful in our own way.  So, don’t ever let anyone tell you different.

Empowerment and the 90's

I speak of empowerment quite a bit.  I was what you called a "roamer" or "wanderer" for many years.  Some would say I was running from something.  I like to say I was on a journey through life. 


During many times of my adventures, I attached music to the different chapters of my journey.  It's kind of like when you wish this great song would come on at this epic moment in your life and play while you are making an entrance or wishing you were kissing in the rain...a "major grandiose" moment. =)


I just came across a list I made a few years back after I left a pretty bad marriage.  My mom always told me that if I walked in a bar, I would pick the dirtiest, greasiest, most tattooed guy with mommy issues in the place and want to fix him.  Well, she was right and that is exactly what happened.


So, I am now posting the list I made back in 2008.  Let this be a reminder to all women that you deserve nothing but the best. Don't ever be embarrassed for wanting it all and going for it.  Sometimes, we have to save ourselves and we come out stronger than ever before....And of course, I am attaching my song of the 90's that I reference when I want to remember how it felt during one of those epic moments.

My Promises to Myself

These guidelines will be promises to me from now on.  I think, at this point in my life, it is necessary for me to unburden myself with the undue baggage from my past and participate in the magnificence of being a powerful strong woman.  Here are the promises I make to myself:

I will no longer "walk on eggshells" throughout my own home or someone else's.

I will not show fear through anger.

I will not be a victim in any way ever again!!!

I will always contribute my thoughts, ideas, and feelings so I can be me.

I will love my awkward, quirky side, and one day, somebody will love it too.

I will be best friends with the person I choose next to move forward with.

I will be completely myself uncensored from now on, and if offended or put out; well, best to wear ear plugs when you see me.

The next person I date will like to read, watch murder mysteries, laugh, spar with me, cook, and be okay with just being themselves.

I will not prove myself to anyone. 

I will accept happiness at face value because I have learned you never know what comes the next day. 

 I don't want past mistakes or old ghosts to ever get in the way of my happiness. Some of us have graveyards buried in those mothball ridden back closets!  I believe that we learn lessons for a reason, and I had to have a few whoppers in life.  Everyone deserves love, adventure, and laughter all the days of their journey.

Weezer's "Undone, the Sweater Song"

Back in my college Demon days at Northwestern State, my roommate and I decided we would make great DJs’ at the college radio station, KNWD.  Harley and I convinced the manager Jeff we should be the “Whip Cream Girls”, Harley and Killer.  Don’t ask why we had those names or that slogan.  It’s really not important at this stage of life. 

Harley and I (Killer) were preparing to go in one Thursday evening, so I was blowing out some candles at the apartment.  I was wearing one of those hideous sweaters that were popular back in the day for the mock turtleneck and misshapen shoulder pads.  It had probably not ever seen a lint-free life.  All of the sudden, WHOOSH, my sweater went up in flames and burned all the lint!

We had a great laugh, went to the station, and proceeded to discuss the details of our fiery afternoon at length on the show. Our co-worker came in and said (on the radio), “I have three words, just three words for you Killer.  Stop, Drop, and Roll!”    After that declaration and the resulting laughter, we had to give a tribute to Weezer, “Undone the Sweater Song”.   The sweater is now gracing a quilt patch and we got a free pizza for being so amusing on the radio.  Never doubt that great times can be born out of your most embarrassing moments!

My first post

This is my first blog post, so we will see how I need to tweak later on.  This is stories from my life, and I have had MANY!!  I always said I needed to write a book titled, "My life as a Chichimama".  I can laugh at myself and, in many instances, I cry freely without a care.  You will laugh, you will cringe, and sometimes you may even spit out your drink while viewing my posts, so enjoy what is to come!